Last night I sat alone, very alone. I watched "Life is Beautiful" (which is a great movie by the way) all cozied up on the couch while eating some freshly boiled pasta topped with Ragu-Robusto sauce, all by myself. At times in my life this would have disturbed me greatly, but last night it felt right. In fact it felt great. This is a strange phenomenon that has recently started. It probably has something to do with my being engaged. Actually, it probably has everything to do with my being engaged. It just feels like without her I really can't do anything worthwhile no matter who I am with, or what I am doing. I know that studying is good and beneficiary, but it is nothing like just being with Kristen. This is probably nothing new to most of you but to me it is groundbreaking. I mean, I would rather sit alone in a dark basement watching a movie than to go and have a night on the town, just so I can call and talk to her without being disturbed. I admit that this does hinder the old social life, but there wasn't really much to hinder in the first place that didn't involve her already. I guess it just feels opposite of what a young, dashing 21 year old young man like myself:) is suppose to be doing on Saturday nights and yet I wouldn't have it any other way. That is a comforting feeling to me in so many ways because it confirms to me that I made an excellent chioce and serves as a constant reminder that I'm living for more than just me now.
It also signifies the ending of a period of my life, a period of little responsibility and late night sleep overs with the buds. A period of paintball fights and James Bond 007 Nintendo 64 tournaments, which I consistantly dominated. A period of water drinking contests and TPing topped with a few door bell ditching runs. A period of dating, trying to impress, and DTRs. A period of singles wards and ward prayers. I guess the end of real childhood, adolescence, and singlehood. I will admit there is a part of me that is sad to see it go, but most of me has been waiting, even longing to see its demise. I don't really get any enjoyment out of that stuff anymore. Instead I find real staisfaction in planning our future, setting priorities, or doing some meaningful work for her (like making and addressing 250 wedding announcments). In short, I am getting old.
And that is what prompted me to write this blog. The start of my aging!! The end of Little Guzy Guy, and the beginning of Goose Man. It all started about 5 years ago now when I asked Kristen to go to Homecoming with me. From there we progress to the night I told her that I didn't want to date her anymore because I was going on a mission. As we move down the timeline we reach her baptism, and then conversion. My mission call and her church callings. A few letters later and I was home, and she was available. It didn't take me long to realize she was the one, and I didn't waste anytime popping the question. All of these experiences kind of kicked the child out of me, and although there is still plenty there, I feel like a man ready to take on some serious responsibility...for two. Kristen and I were talking about this just last night, after "Life is Beautiful" had finished and my pasta bowl had been emptied, about the differences between us then, and us now. Also about how our relationship, which began from fairly superficial beginnings and has now become deep and meaningful. I guess that where it all started, is now where those days have finally ended. But with that ending there is coming a whole new beginning. One in which I will never have to worry about being alone on a Saturday night again. At least I hope so!!!!!
